Wary Relationship Style
Your relationship style directly impacts the type of relationship that you seek, and the types of things you’ll do to create it with your partner. Think of your style as a colored lens through which you view close relationships. The shade of the lens influences how you view and emotionally reach to your romantic relationship. This style influences the way you seek closeness and connection with your partner, and ultimately determines what feels right and comfortable to you in a relationship.
Relationship researchers and couples therapy DC experts recognize that each of the four relationship styles is defined by typical psychological and behavioral patterns.
Have you taken your Relationship Styles Assessment yet? We recommend that you take the Assessment now and then read on about each of the Styles.
In this post, I’ll describe the Wary relationship style pattern.
Individuals who have a Wary relationship style often feel as though they could take or leave a close relationship. For them, it’s easy to see both the up side and down side of having a partner, and they are not always sure that it’s worth it. While the companionship of a relationship is appealing to some degree, the idea of having a co-dependent relationship with a partner is not particularly tempting.
In our couples counseling DC practice, we observe individuals who have the Wary style struggle to decide if they want to be close to someone. They tend to go back and forth between wanting the relationship and then rejecting the possibility. We frequently help sort out the confusion and uncertainty that results.
Some of this back and forth results from a tendency to carefully examine both partners for sources of current and future trouble in a relationship. The Wary individual is so attuned to both himself and his partner that it can be frustrating and exceedingly difficult to know how to fix problems in relationship. Relationships will feel baffling to someone with this style because of how overwhelmingly complex they seem.
The Wary relationship style is a style of contrasts. If this is your relationship style, you’re likely hesitant to take relationships to the next level of intimacy. It’s not that you don’t want a relationship, because at times you do keenly feel a tug for one. In many ways this style is a mix of the Brooding and Independent styles. Reading further about them will help you to understand how you stand somewhere between those two.
Understanding which of the four styles you have will help you understand why you tend to react in similar ways in different relationships, and sometimes even pick the same type of person again even when you know it won’t work.
We hope this series of posts on The Four Relationship Styles has been of help. Please contact us if you’d like to talk to someone about your own style or relationship.
Until next time,
Dr. Brad Brenner
Not sure about your own style? Take our free self-assessment here.