Couples Counseling DC Series: The Brooding Relationship Style
Brooding Relationship Style
Your relationship style directly impacts the type of relationship that you seek, and the types of things you’ll do to create it with your partner. Think of your style as a colored lens through which you view close relationships. The shade of the lens influences how you view and emotionally reach to your romantic relationship. This style influences the way you seek closeness and connection with your partner, and ultimately determines what feels right and comfortable to you in a relationship.
Relationship researchers and couples counseling therapists recognize that each of the four relationship styles is defined by typical psychological and behavioral patterns.
Have you taken your Relationship Styles Assessment yet? We recommend that you take the Assessment now and then read on about each of the Styles.
In this post, I’ll describe the Brooding relationship style pattern.
Dr. Brenner described the Trusting relationship style in a previous posting, and you can learn about the next two styles – Independent and Wary – in each of the next two postings on the District Psychotherapy Associates blog.
Individuals who have a Brooding style tend to desire a high level of emotional intimacy. They ideally seek out partners who are extraordinarily responsive to their relationship needs. They seek physical closeness with their partners and prefer to spend considerable amounts of time together rather than apart. They may well choose to have few social interactions with others outside their primary relationship.
In our couples counseling DC practice we find that partners who have a Brooding style will blame themselves when they are having difficulties and feeling disconnected in the relationship. They tend to personalize the problems and have trouble seeing them as shared.
They may attempt to regain a sense of togetherness or connection by seeking constant reassurance and approval from their partner. Unable to view the problems as a temporary and inevitable part of a relationship, they may even act impulsively in an attempt to regain a sense of connection with their partner.
The Brooding relationship style is one of the more emotionally expressive of the 4 styles. If this is your way of relating in a relationship, you will probably find complimentary and satisfying relationships with similar types of individuals who can meet your level of expressiveness and readily reciprocate in a relationship.
Understanding which of the four styles you have will help you understand why you tend to react in similar ways in different relationships, and sometimes even pick the same type of person again and again, even when it hasn’t worked in the past.
Until next time,
Dr. Keith Clemson
Not sure about your own style? Take our free self-assessment here.